I wasn't sure if that side of me existed anymore. So many people had told me, or implied to me by their actions, that side of me was a bad thing. So somehow, after seeing it drive the people I loved away, or just being looked at as a "bad person", I subdued it.
The IT: my anger. my fight. my fire. my passion. Whatever you want to call it.
I am a very difficult person to make angry. I am relaxed and easy going. But there were some buttons that you simply didn't push. It was a bad idea. It used to be a frequent thing. And once you pushed my button, you were done for. I am a small person - a very small person. But that forced me to live bigger, fight bigger, talk bigger. But I always walked the walk. I never talked bigger than what I could do.
It has been a long time since I've felt that rush. The need to defend someone or something. The rush to make my point. To protect what I love. Because that was the only reason I would ever flash at anyone. The only reason I would ever yell at anyone, if someone was threatening the people I loved.
And then today happened, just one thing after another.
My boyfriend left to go see his son, and have a "necessary talk" with his ex. After about five minutes of being outside, he came rushing back in the door, nearly gasping for air. His neighbor had charged him out front of the apartment - but his face looked like it took more damage than my boyfriends. The other couple with us in our apartment jumped up with me to go outside, and sure enough walking in our door was my man's psycho ex. She started yelling and screaming about how I needed to leave and going on and on.
Thankfully, I left before things got worse, but between the psycho neighbor going at my boyfriend, and his psycho ex coming at me, I really don't know how someones face didn't run into my hand multiple times.
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