Letting Go

How do you let go of someone whom you love?



I don't mean love as in the way I love my favorite pair of high heels, or the way I love the way a diesel truck sounds coming up the road, or the way I love my kitten, Twilight. 



I mean the kind of love that consumes your heart and soul.  The kind that is as much a part of who you are as the color of your eyes, or the sound of your voice.  The kind that drives you to be everything you can be.  The kind of love that has caused you to become a better person - kind, patient, forgiving, understanding, open-minded.  The kind of love that has taught you determination and perseverance.  The kind of love that is a choice to have and to give, but the kind of love that is even harder to let go of than to stick through.



And the person who receives this love... what about them?  Love is a difficult thing to sever, but sometimes even harder is walking away from the person whom you have sown so much love into.  For whatever reason, love sometimes just is not enough, no matter how much one wants it to be.  But if it is failing, what is so difficult about leaving?



I have a man in my life.  To me, he is the most amazing man in my life (other than my Daddy).  He makes me smile, and life, and feel so alive in this life of mine.  I feel purpose and hope and peace when we are together.  I have spent the last year of my life loving this man, but have also spent the last year in a very confusing game of hot potato.  And sometimes I ask myself why I don't just walk away.  Why I don't just leave the games behind.  Honestly, I cannot give you an answer to that, even now.  The best I can come up with is this:



That the way things are when they are good, outweigh any argument, and disagreement, and tears shed, any voices raised, any nights alone.  There is not a single thing about us that I don't love, because even through the dark times, we grow stronger.



But what if I'm wrong?  What if what I fight so hard for is simply a delusion?  It seems every two weeks or so, it comes to this, and we go our separate ways, and I'm left wondering.  But we can't stay away...



How do you let go of someone whom you love?