Firsts and Lasts

This year has been one of firsts in this supposed last of its kind.  I suppose, too, it had been one of lasts as well, as lasts usually segue into some type of firsts.  I must say that each last has left me increasingly hopeful as each has led to an incredible virgin experience. Whether you see this year as a beautiful beginning to an end, or a fantastic end to a beginning, at last for me, this year will go down in my history books as the best of my first 22 years.

I started off the year as a first-time Mommy, and o, what a wonderful joy that has been.  There has not been a day that has gone by that I can not wait to see what my beautiful angel of a daughter is going to surprise me with.  She is crawling, toddling, "talking", eating "real" food; she laughs at anything and everything and loves spending time with her Mommy, Gamma and Auntee Becca.  She started out her life looking like a smitten image of her biological father and brother, but now has quite softened, and her features are beginning to take on that of myself, while still becoming uniquely her own.  She is quite the character!

I spent New Year's Eve out with friends for the first time, and had a blast hangin' with the boys.  My dear friend Mike took me out with him and our mutual friend, Jakub.  It was a night that began a few months of wonderful memories.

In March, I received my first car, still unnamed to this day.  I have "owned" two previous vehicles, but neither were ever registered or insured to me, and the full process was never completed, so to finally be able to fully, legally, own a car in my name was a great thrill and an even greater blessing.  I no longer had to walk all over town pushing J.R. in her stroller.  We could get from point A to point B efficiently and safely and I did not have to show up to work interviews a sweaty mess!!  Gas, however... that is another story.

In April, J.R. and I moved into our first HOME :)  It is just a little one bedroom/one bathroom home, but it is still our own, at least until we move in October.  We are quickly outgrowing the space, as J.R. is becoming increasingly mobile and is getting into everything! Not to mention, not having a dishwasher, or a washing machine while trying to take care of an infant makes everything ten times more difficult than it ever should be!

The summer continued to bring us all kinds of firsts, as J.R. went to her first rodeo, spoke her first word (which was "Mama"!), swam in her first pool, and began to crawl.  Mommy went on her first camping trip with friends, instead of just family, and took a trip to Tahoe and got to go to the Nevada County Fair with those same friends.  We had BBQ's and swim parties and all sorts of fun!

Being a parent, I have experienced my own firsts, as well as my daughter's.  My life is so fulfilling, and it only gets increasingly so with every day that passes.  I cannot wait to see what the rest of this year brings us, no matter the ending.

Updates from Mommy's World - 6 months later

I always swore that once my daughter entered the world, I would still find the time to keep up my blog, and have you all up to date on a frequent basis.  As we can see - that has not happened one bit!!  But here is my attempt to catch everyone up on the last 6 months of our lives.

Julianne Rose is growing, growing, growing!!  She has been a healthy baby since birth, minus her quick bout with jaundice for which she was never actually admitted back to the hospital.  At her last appointment in May, she was 22 inches long, and 13'5.  Right on schedule!  She has been smiling and laughing for months now, and now eats baby food for lunch and dinner, in addition to her bottles throughout the day.  She sleeps through the night, from about 9pm to 7am, if not longer.  And yesterday, she took her first "crawl"!  Granted, it was only one small "crawl" before falling back on her tummy, but after days and days of trying to get her hands and knees to work at the same time, she finally got it!  Mommy was quite proud!  She graduated from her pack 'n' play, to a real crib last month, when Gamma and Gammpa bought her one for an Easter present.  She has almost outgrown her bouncer, it seems, because she cannot manage to sit still, and even when she is buckled in, finds a way to nearly roll it over.  We are in the process of trying to find her a round walker so she can move around the house.  She has had strong legs since the day she was born, and has been able to stand on her own while holding onto something, for over a month now.  She will be fully mobile in no time at all!!  She loves to talk, and is just starting to find her "tickle spots".  Her full head of hair is back, although her hairline is rather amusing.  For those of you who recall, she was born with a very thick head of dark hair, which, of course, was rubbed off in the oddest spots.  She had a mohawk going for awhile, with three little rat tails on the back of her head, one on each side, and directly in the middle.  Now, her peach fuzz is finally growing back.  I plan on letting it all grow as it wants, until it is long enough that I can cut it without cutting it too short.  It is all now light brown like her Mommy's with little baby curls surrounding her ears.  Within the last two weeks, she has cut through her first two teeth, and did so without a problem.  I did not even realize they had come through until she bit me one day!  She is such a trooper.  Every one just loves her, and I do not have a problem finding someone to watch her.  She is an absolute angel, and so easy to take care of.  She is happy and content and truly does not have a care in the world unless she is hungry or ready for bed!!  I have been so blessed.  I always knew the one thing in life I wanted was to be a Mommy.  But I never dreamed that it would be so satisfying, and that I could possibly love it as much as I do.  I wouldn't trade it for a single thing in the world, ever.  Being J.R.'s Mommy is worth every pain and frustration that happens in the rest of life.

And, of course, with a child comes a father.  I thank you all so much for your prayers, encouragement, and help regarding our situation with J.R.'s father.  It has been a rough, rough road, and it does not look like it is going to be getting any easier any time soon.  It is sad to me that someone can view the responsibility of parenting as a convenience, and yet expects to reap the benefits and rewards of having a child.  As most of you know, her father has put me through hell on earth for the past year.  He has lied to the courts time and time again, his most recent lie, claiming that there was domestic violence in my home, and demanding a change in the custody order.  Granted, the judge passed over his request within a matter of minutes, but the stress of the situation still exists, no matter how absurd his claims are.  There is no need to go into great detail of the day-to-day stresses that he causes, but your prayers would be greatly appreciated, as it seems a day cannot go by without him picking a fight.

J.R. currently sees her dad 3 times a week, four hours at a time.  By the second week of July, he will also add one overnight visit to his week, and by September 15, he will be having her two nights a week as well as whatever parenting plan we come up with.  Again, please pray for a change either in him, or in the court orders, as I am greatly worried for J.R.'s mental and emotional wellbeing, especially long-term, if this order stays in place.

Other than the issue of Mr. Strong, our lives are moving along fantastically.

Last month I opened up bank accounts for us, finally.   This is something I haven't been able to do in quite awhile due to my lack of income.  Not only do J.R. and I each have checking and savings accounts, but I was also able to open accounts for my new business, which is on the writing block as we speak.  Slowly but surely I hope to see it come to fruition in the near future.

Other than that, life is pretty normal!  We just are enjoying it day by day, and are excited to see what's to come.

Stay tuned!

Guilty Pleasures of a Stay-at-Home Mommy

Tomorrow is my first day of no longer being a full-time stay-at-home mommy, and as much as I hate the idea of being away from my beautiful angel, it is only a few hours, and I am extremely excited to be going back to a job that I love so much.  It is just one more thing to be so incredibly excited about in this new year.

But I also still consider myself a full time mommy, and am still MOSTLY at home with J.R., and with that comes hours and hours of wondering what to do with myself while she sleeps - which is most of the time these days.

I have found ways to consolidate all my mommy duties, and since I do not have a family to feed, I do not spend hours cooking meals, or doing loads of laundry.  My daughter is such an easy child, that my time is not spend calming a screaming baby, or cleaning up countless onesies and blankets covered in spit-up.  So I have found other ways of filling my time.  Of course, I have productive things I do... many constant thank you cards and emails are being sent out, cleaning and organizing our little room so that when we move into our own place, it is all ready to go and easy to unpack.

But I also have discovered some of my guilty pleasures, some of which, I already had.

As you can probably guess, my social networking is most likely what I spend most of my spare time doing.  My facebook keeps me in touch with my close family and friends, with updates about our lives and theirs.  It has been so nice being back in touch with people I would otherwise have lost all contact with.

My tumblr has become a place for me to simply zone out, and look for inspiration for all areas of my life - my writing, my future, my style.  It has also given me a chance to "meet" people all over the world, and make friendships with quite interesting individuals.  I also have made contact with people who have been helpful and useful in my plight as a single mother, and for advice regarding our custody case and legal issues.

I have resorted to using pinterest to consolidate all of my lists in life to one place... My to-do lists, my bucket lists, my shopping lists, my recipe book, my bucket list.  Everything I do or use in my life is on a board somewhere, and easily accessed.

Google Plus is turning into my networking site for the people who will be involved with/in my business, and then personal friends as well.  It is still getting set up, and I am still learning its ins and outs, but so far, it is working well for me!

CafeMom is my terrific source of information, tips, and network of other moms all over the world.  I have loved interacting with them, and learning what has worked for them and what has not in the world of Mommyhood.

But my other guilty pleasure that is always a part of my day?? NETFLIX!  O my goodness, I have overused that resource, I believe.  It introduced me to the magic of Friday Night Lights and how deep my love of a small town runs, the ridiculousness of The Secret Life of the American teenager and its ability to make me despise people that do not actually exist, and helped me fall ever more in love with the souls of One Tree Hill and once again inspire me as I always was.  And now the latter is back for one final season.  I cannot tell you how happy I am that it has returned.  But I must admit, I actually tear up that it will not be back.  I spent the last nine and a half years watching these characters and now it is as if they are real people in my life!!!! Bahahahahaha.  How absurd do I sound!  Once it ends, I'll have to find some new pretend friends :)

What about the rest of you?  Any other guilty mommy pleasures you enjoy that I should check out to broaden my horizons?

Third Time's a Charm

Well folks, we are ten days into the new year, and already my life has started coming together in such incredible ways... And yet has the potential to fall apart in so many more, although I am choosing to keep my positive outlook on things!

I spent New Years Eve with an old friend of mine, and it was wonderful to get some quality time in with him.  I hadn't had the chance to do that in over a year, and I had forgotten how much fun I have when I am with him.  It was the best way I could have chosen to spend the start to what I am determined to make the best year of my life.

Over the last ten days, I have also accomplished quite a lot of little things that have made my to-do-list quite daunting.

I finally replaced the jeans I sold, and now have three pairs that I love just as much as the incredibly expensive ones that I owned previously.  I also was able to a little more shopping for myself including some shirts, a make-up bag that has given the ability to finally organize the mess that being a girl causes, and many new outfits for my little J.

I also began my supplements again, and my "only healthy food" diet, and cannot wait to be back in shape like I used to be!  So far, the only thing I have eaten that broke my rules was a Taco Bell Burrito... ugh.

But the best part of this year so far has been the return of a very dear person into my life.  I now have the love of my life back, and he already is an amazing dad to my beautiful daughter.  I do not know what I ever did without him.  I cannot say I regret walking away from him for the time I did - we both needed to grow up and discover things about ourselves before we could ever find a way to be in each other's lives again.  But as God has healed us both and matured us both to a different point in our lives, our lives individually mesh so much better together, and I truly did not think I could ever be this happy.  I am beyond blessed in this life I have.

Julianne's biological father, however, continues to try and cause interruptions and chaos in our lives in the name of his "rights"... it's too bad that as concerned he is about having fatherly "rights" that he is that much unconcerned about her well-being.  I am so thankful for David, and the care he has for Julianne, and the example he will be about what a Daddy should be.

Over all, life these days is good!  Even with the stresses that come with trying to do what's best for my family, I still see that every day is incredibly blessed, and that I do have so much to thank my Lord for every single moment.

The Arrival of JR

Well, it has been two weeks and I am finally finding a little spot of down time to provide you all with a quick update about the last few weeks of OUR lives J  Yes, OUR lives – Julianne Rose Mikesell was born December 15, 2011 at 9:24 in the evening, weighing in at 7’12, and measured 20 inches long.

I went into labor at about 8:30 that morning, and was immediately having steady contractions about 5 minutes apart.  My best friend, Julianne’s Godmother, Alison, picked me shortly thereafter on her way into work.  We took care of a few things there, made a quick stop at Target so she could get a different sweater (the jacket she was wearing was too small), and then proceeded to check into the hospital at about 11:30.  Apparently, I didn’t look like I was very much in labor, because it took about an hour before my nurse practitioner actually came to check my progress and see if I would be really admitted or sent home.  Sure enough, I surprised everyone by being almost 7 centimeters dilated and about 85 percent effaced.  At this point, they very quickly kicked into gear and got me to a labor room to proceed with the rest of everything.

Once I was in a room and settled, the rest of my labor crew showed up, which consisted of my high school friend Tara and good friend Liz.  My parents were out of town for the day, but were planning on being back that evening.  Thankfully, no one showed up that I didn’t want there, and it was a peaceful, drama-free event.

I had planned on a completely natural labor and delivery this go around, but due to severe lack of sleep over the previous 2 days (I had probably slept 5-6 hours of the last 50), I was overly exhausted, and didn’t want the whole rest of the day to be a miserable experience, so at about 2:30, I received an epidural.  And again, this time around, it was a much less stressful experience, happened easily and painlessly, and without complications… until 45 minutes later it still hadn’t really kicked in except in my feet L But of course this was no surprise to me – I have always had an extremely high tolerance for anesthesia, and this was no exception.  But, once it was doing its job, I was completely comfortable and ready for the day.

Soon after the epi, my NP came in to check me and, at 8 centimeters, offered to break my water, but since things were going smoothly, JR’s heart rate was normal, and I was comfortable, I just asked to let things happen at their own pace. 

At about quarter to nine, I had my doctors switch shifts, and they all came in to say goodbye or introduce themselves, and give me one last check.  At the exact moment that my NP went to attempt a check, my water decided it was going to EXPLODE… literally!  She gave a little shriek and jumped away while everyone was laughing hysterically.  My belly gave such a jerk I had thought JR had kicked or rolled over, but found out from all the laughing ladies around me that apparently I had nearly exploded all over everyone!  I guess not being able to really move positions had caused it to remain dormant until someone was poking at it! Haha!  As soon as that happened, they quickly brought in the new team of delivery nurses, and after about 3-4 pushes and 10ish minutes in live delivery, Julianne graced us with her presence and an immediate cry J My parents and my brother, by the way, did make it back just in time for delivery.

We spent two days in the hospital, receiving visits from friends, and spending lots of time cuddling and sleeping.

Since we’ve been home, we’ve done very well!  We had a quick hiccup while JR dealt with jaundice, and lost quite a bit of weight because of it, but thankfully, we were able to get her weight up to a point where they did not require her to be hospitalized.  We are now doing great, though, and she is a very wiggly, active little one, but does not give Mommy too many problems yet!

Sadly, her father is not in the picture, both by my decision, and his severe lack of taking responsibility.  I am hoping though, that he will come around and be willing to see her on occasion, and that things will not have to end up in court.

Thank you to everyone for the support, love, gifts, prayers… they are all very much needed and appreciated.  I feel much more settled, alive, and fulfilled these days, as God has blessed me with such peace and with such amazing friends and family.

JR and I love you all very much J

Just a Little Rant from a Single Mom...

The last week or so has been fairly uneventful, and so I do not have much to say as an update.

Working as a part-time "nanny" (of sorts) has been fun, and has also given me some time to relax before Julianne gets here.  The boys are all well-behaved, and are not too much of a handful, minus the occasional teenage boy moments that get the best of any young men their age, I suppose.  But it has been fun!  It definitely makes me want to have sons of my own even more than I already did.

But my biggest rant of the week follows a bombardment of text messages from my daughter's absentee father, who has been nothing but a pain and untrustworthy from the beginning.  This guy thinks he somehow is in a position to ask me how I am, or what I'm doing, or why I'm not at certain places... on and on and on...  It is none of his business!!  He thought little enough of me to abandon me when I was just a few weeks pregnant (after never being faithful to me in the first place), say horrible things to me, treat me in horrible ways, steal from me, use me, manipulate me... and the list goes on.  And he thinks that I would want to carry on event the smallest, most innocent conversation with him?

I think not!  This "man" (for lack of a better word) has done nothing but cause physical, mental and emotional stress, left me with no income, no money, and in debt.  Nothing good except the physical presence of my daughter in my life has come to me because of him.  There is no way, now that I have grown the strength to walk away from one of the most abusive situations in my life that I would EVER go back to that even in something as simple as a conversation. Ya. RIGHT.

I am not that stupid.  Not anymore.  I will have nothing to do with you, ever again.  Sorry.

What is it with some of the male species that makes them think that after someone has given them everything, loved them despite of all their flaws, forgiven them for things that no one else was willing to, defended them, covered for them, loved them unconditionally no matter what - what makes them think that it is fine for them to turn around and turn into a horrible monster?

Of course, I do not mean all men.  I know plenty of good ones, and I also know plenty of women who do the same kind of thing.  I do not excuse them by any means.  And I acknowledge that we live in a fallen world, with all sorts of evil, but sometimes I wonder how awful people can be and still defend themselves? How can anyone treat someone this way and continually think it is alright?

It's disturbing.

Okay. Rant over.

I am a strong, very independent woman who, thanks to my relationship with my Heavenly Father, is confident in who I am as a person, and is willing to put my heart out there.  If it gets broken, then so be it.  Part of that is on me, but I will never justify someone else's actions, either.  I will not live with regrets, and I will raise my daughter to have the most positive picture of her father that I can, without avoiding the truth.  She will always know that her Heavenly Father is the one who loves her the most, and I'm believing He will one day bring us someone who can be ten times the father and husband that her biological father could ever be.

It's that hope that I must hold on to, and that even in my darkest, most stressful sleepless nights, somewhere down the line, I will not spend them alone.

Stephanie Meyer versus Taylor Swift - I've Switched Teams

I have always been a country music fan, and I always will be.  I love the stories told by the songs, the authenticity of its artists, and the musicianship of all involved.  Although I may not always enjoy every song I hear on the radio, or like a live performance I see by an artist, it is usually something that is rare.

I have not, however, always been a fan of the Twilight craze that has happened across the world.  Vampires that sparkle just did not seem to fit in my perspective of the dark mythical tale that has circulated over the course of the years, and after viewing the first film, I had even less desire to view the others that were to follow than I had possessed before I ever saw the blue-hazed picture.

But it seems that this week, at least, I have switched teams.

I found myself extremely disappointed in a country music video released yesterday afternoon, and I thoroughly enjoyed the Twilight film which I saw this afternoon.

Taylor Swift has always had my respect for her songwriting ability.  There isn't a song of hers that I have not liked.  She has a way of expressing emotions or situations in a simplistic, relative, genuine way that is truly a gift.  Her recent single, "Ours", is one of my personal favorites from her latest album, "Speak Now", and I was quite expectant of the video that was to follow... only to be quite disappointed.

The video is bland, mildly put.  It is bland, boring and fails to express everything that the song attempts to be.  The appearance of the young soldier returning home at the end of the video adds a forced, "cheesy" to the piece, instead of it being a genuine, heartfelt happening that it could have been.  A hit of a song, a bomb of a video.  Something sad to see of a usually creative young artist.

I am certainly not a film guru, but Breaking Dawn: Part 1 is the best film of the saga yet. Though it still will certainly leave you feeling like you watched something incomplete (which, of course, you did).  Each of the films has been a step up from the last, and this fourth one is indeed following in that pattern.  The acting, the screenplay, the cinematography, the character development - it all has improved.  It also has quite intense, positive themes running throughout, all revolving around the redemption of souls, the absolute nature of right and wrong and doing the right thing despite popular belief, and the sanctity of life no matter the sacrifice.  Whether intentionally written this way or not, they are still thickly woven into the plot, and are strongly promoted.

Very well done.

I hope the last installment will live up to the fourth, and that Taylor Swift doesn't make the same mistake with her next video that she made with her latest.

Slow Day on the Homefront

As seems to be the "norm" these days, I got a late start this morning, and was not out of bed until after ten o'clock.  But there is not much to do around the house today, so I did not have the motivation I would normally have to get up and start my day.

The best news of the day (so far, anyway) is that I am now fully stocked up on clothes for Julianne for at least the next 6 months!  A good friend of mine brought me hundreds of pieces to choose from, and even after going through and picking and choosing what I wanted, I still have a closet full of clothes!  So a big thank you to her for helping me out!  Now today, I'm putting everything through the wash, going through it once more to really see if I need it all, and then hopefully putting it neatly away, as right now it is all just shoved "neatly" on the closet shelves.

Today will be my last day here at home for a couple weeks, other than the rare occasion that I come stay here for a night or two.  I will be working as a nanny of 3 boys starting tomorrow evening!  I am sure I will be keeping you all entertained with stories from the madhouse over the next 14 days, and hoping that all works out with Julianne coming at a good time.  We shall see.  Sometime today I will get around to packing what I need to take with me, but for now I'm enjoying a relaxing afternoon doing very little.

It Has Been Too Long!!

6 months!  It has been almost 6 months since I have posted on this blog, and that is a horrible shame!

But in my own defense, the last 6 months have also been incredibly chaotic and confusing.  I couldn't even keep up with what was going on in my own life, much less make sense of it enough to blog about it.  But now, things are finally settling down, and I am finding more time to sort through the chaos and start sharing with my cyber world again... And I am so happy!

Julianne Rose is due any day, and she will be the best thing I could receive in this Christmas season.  In fact, this afternoon, one of my best friends will be bringing "hand-me-downs" over to the house for me to sort through, and as many of you know, in this economic time, and being a single mom, those are crucial!!  Thanks Tara, love!

Hopefully now, I will be back to posting on a regular basis!  Enjoy my friends!

And have a blessed CHRISTMAS season!

World's Apart

(Man) I knew what life would be when I signed on the line.
I promised you no matter what that I would give my all.
But the last few months the weren't kind.
And I can't seem to fall asleep in peace.
I haven't gone a day without that silver around my neck,
Pressed to my heart, calling me still.
The number on my bunk says two hundred seventy two.
Every day one less that I have to be in hell.
This life we chose will risk it all.
This life we live may take it all.
All our strength and all our love.
We will always give our best,
God and country before the rest.
We fight for all we have at home,
Just to keep it as our own.
For the homeland, from the homefront,
Working together, worlds apart.

(Woman) I knew what life would be when I signed on the line.
I promised you no matter what that I would be just fine.
But the last few months it's been cold at night,
And I can't seem to sleep without a light.
I haven't gone a day without your silver around my neck,
Pressed to my heart, like a lifeline.
The number on the fridge says two hundred seventy two.
Every day is one less that I spend missing you.
This life we chose will risk it all.
This life we live may take it all.
All our strength and all our love.
We will always give our best,
God and country before the rest.
We fight for all we have at home,
Just to keep it as our own.
For the homeland, from the homefront,
Working together, worlds apart.

(Together) We bleed red from the day we were born,
Cried blue the day that duty called.
Every day we live to never wave that white.
Miles of star-filled skies hold us together,
(Man) And as I walk the streets watching every step,
(Woman) I lie alone praying He guides your every move.

(Man) For the homeland
(Woman) From the homefront
(Together)  Working together, worlds apart.

(Together) This life we chose will risk it all.
This life we live may take it all.
All our strength and all our love.
We will always give our best,
God and country before the rest.
We fight for all we have at home,
Just to keep it as our own.
For the homeland, from the homefront,
Working together, worlds apart.

Chapter 2: Don't Settle For Less

Topic Thought:  Are you moving with confidence toward a desired goal?

Personal goals:  A healthy God-centered relationship, family and marriage; a strong walk with Christ; financial stability and no debt; to move out of California.

God placed desires in my heart that will lead me to my purpose.

Reasons for a "stale" or ordinary life:
   People have lost sight of who God made them to be and what He designed them to do.
As a result...
   People are not actively, intentionally, and purposefully pursuing what the Father has planned for them.

If you truly want to pursue and reach your full potential, then you must face up to these two truths --
   God has placed more within you than you realize.
   You likely have settled for the life you have now.

If a person becomes content with what is average, minimally acceptable or satisfactory, she will rarely exert the effort or work toward something that is truly excellent or outstanding.

The longer a person remains satisfied with average in their life, the more they become complacent about life.

Psalm 139
   1.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
          "Awesomely wonderful"  God has made you in a way that is awesome.
          The Father made you for good purposes, and He made you with the potential to be perfected by His Spirit.

Jeremiah 29:11
"'For I know the plans I have for you' says the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future.'"
The Lord has a great plan for you and created you to accomplish it in His Name.

   2.  God knows everything about you.
          The Lord has always known what you could be and do, because He is the One who created you.

   3.  God is the Author and Finisher of your days.

Your purpose on this earth is to develop your God-given gifts, talents and abilities to the best of your ability so you can impact the world around you for Christ.

God has placed you in a time and location that will allow you to maximize your role in establishing His will "on earth as it is in Heaven."

God is bringing into your path people, opportunities, challenges and resources.
He is placing in you dreams, desires and expectations about the challenges that already are winding their way to you.
He is preparing you in every way for the many opportunities that lie ahead.
He is setting within you the anticipation that something purpose-filled and exhilarating is just about to emerge.

When you begin to see the wonderful, prepared future that God is unfolding before you, life will take on greater importance and purpose.

God has more ways for you to feel joy.
God has more ways for you to experience His peace.
God has More ways for you to encounter His beauty.
God has More ideas to share with you.
God has more expressions of love to shower upon you.
God has an infinite supply of new mercies, new blessings, new accomplishments, new insights, and new inspirations to share with you.

There simply is no end to your potential when you serve an infinite God in an eternal Heaven.

We must determine in our hearts and minds to live all our days to the utmost.

The Lord never holds before us an ordinary life.

John 10:10  "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come that you may have life, and have it to the fullest."

Thoughts to ponder:
Am I passionate about life?
Do I deeply desire to experience all God has for me?
Do I really want His best in my finances, my job, my recreation, my hobbies, my relationships, my marriage, my family?

Questions to Ask of God
What do You want to do in my life?
What do You want to do through my life?
What do You still desire for me to experience?
What possibilities lie within me?
What could I become?
What did You have in mind when You created me?
What do You desire for me?

Only God can answer these questions and He will answer them only when asked.
He doesn't force His will on us, but if we aren't following in it, our lives will not be blessed, and we will look back and wonder what went wrong.  But when we seek His plan and will in our lives, we look back and can't believe how blessed we have been in our lives.

New Book, New Outlook

I recently began meeting weekly with a mentor of mine, to regularly discuss life, and the many things God was doing in our lives and hearts.  I was skeptic at first to the idea, as we had not spent time together prior to the start of these meetings.  She was referred to me by another mentor I have as someone who could help me through some things and someone who could be a great reference when it came time for me to join on to the staff at my church.  But after a couple meetings, I began to relax, and we picked our first book to read through and study together.  After perusing the local bookstore, and coming up with a long list of books to read as the months went on, we decided on a book by Charles F. Stanley, called How to Reach Your Full Potential for God.  So far, I have read through the first five chapters, and I can't seem to take down enough notes... my brain and my heart are just overflowing with motivation and excitement for the dreams God has placed in my heart. 

Because of the effect this book has had on me and my life in just a few short days, I have decided to share my notes with all of you.  I hope you will be just as blessed as I am.

Chapter 1 - Do You Want God's Best?

If you truly want to reach your full potential, you must have a clean heart, a clear mind, and a balanced schedule.

Truth #1
   God has a will, plan and purpose for your life individually and personally.

   He has a broad will and plan and purpose for all of mankind.

   He has specifically designed you and equipped you to fulfill a portion of that bigger plan.

   You are here to accomplish a job that God has assigned to you from eternity.

Truth #2
   Your Heavenly Father has already embedded into you all of the gifts, and talents you need to complete the work that He has assigned you.

   God has already embedded into you all of the raw material necessary for you to come into a relationship with Him and to develop the character of His Son.

   Your job is to discover the talents that God has placed in you, to develop them, and to begin to use them as the Lord brings opportunities for service or ministry.

Truth #3
   Nobody can be who you are.

   Nobody can replace you.

   Nobody else on the earth is capable of fulfilling the Father's plan for you.

   Nobody else can do the work He has gifted you to do, know the people He is leading you to know, or offer the praise and prayer that He is giving voice to.

  You must be and do what God made you to be and do.

Truth #4
   You must establish firm commitments in various areas of your life in order to pursue and begin to reach your God-given potential.

   The pursuit of your unique potential and purpose requires you to seek God's help in very specific areas of your life.

Thought Question - Do you want to reach your full potential?



These are my notes on the first chapter.  Now, as I read, there were a few things that I felt God laid on my heart for me personally.  Questions I need to answer, or things I need to work on. 

First, I needed to identify my gifts and talents - those things that I believe God has gifted me with that I will use for His kingdom.  These things are, but not limited to -
My musical ability and my passion for music and worship. 
My artistic and writing abilities.
My leadership skills.
My mothering spirit.
The dreams I have in this life, both for my own personal life, and for seeing His kingdom accomplished on earth all stem from these gifts.

Second was the idea of needing to establish firm commitments in my life, and to stick to them.  These commitments need to be Godly, and be areas God can strengthen me in, in order for me to grow closer to Him and see His work in my life.  A few commitments that I am choosing to make that greatly affect my life now are -
I have quit smoking.
I will not have sex again before I am married.
I will not live with a boyfriend again until after I am married.
I will not become drunk.
I will not find myself in debt again.
I will pursue God's lifestyle at all costs.

The chapter ends with the question, "Do you want to reach your full potential?"

My own answer is "yes."  But now my own question is, at what cost will I pursue my potential?



 

Writer's Block - Part 2

So I forced myself to continue writing the other night, even though I really thought the task would be done in vain.  And although it wasn't entirely productive, I have the beginning of a fantastic piece of work.


He picked up a bottle but it's not the first time.
Most of these days it’s the only peace he finds.
Flooded by his misery, drowning in her dreams,
It's easier for him to stay than fight the current that carries him away.
But when the bottle dries and the numb subsides, he's still sinking.
-
Just for tonight, it's just for tonight.
Tomorrow he'll make it right.
But somewhere between sunset and five a.m.
The pain comes back to claim it's place.
And by five oh one, all he can see,
Is her face and whiskey.

Writer's Block

It's no surprise that I'm up at one a.m. trying to write, but the surprise is that I cannot seem to write anything that I want to.  I blame it on the lack of practice, more than the lack of idea.  I have plenty to write about, plenty going on in my head that I need to get out on paper before I go insane.  But it doesn't want to come...

For years I wrote on a weekly basis, sometimes more.  Notebooks are full of lyrics, song after song full of my memories and my life, neatly organized into carefully phrased lines, ready for music.  But tonight, it is all just a jumbled mess of mixed up feelings that cannot seem to even make enough sense to be written down... love, pain, dreams... and I'm lost in the middle of it all.  I have not written in so long that I have let it all pile up in my head, and so I guess that was the mistake. 

Now, even with the newest and best inspiration I have had in months, it is all still to much of a mess to make out.

The fix?  I still do not know.  Maybe a vacation to somewhere where life is more at peace, and I can actually hear my heart think, or speak, or cry, or whatever it needs to do.

"He picked up a bottle but it's not the first time.
Most of these days it's the only peace he finds.
Flooded by his misery, drowning in her dreams,
It's easier for him to stay, than fight the current that carries him away.
But when the bottle dries, and the numb subsides,
He's still sinking."

60 Day Challenge - Day 19

Day 19:  A picture of something you are excited for.

I cannot wait to listen to this album.
Somehow I missed the release date... This man is a genius.

60 Day Challenge - Day 17

Day 17:  A picture of something that has had a huge impact on your life recently.

David Scott Simmer, and his beautiful little boy, Trenton Lucas.

Even though we have gone our separate ways, this young man and his son have impacted my life in more ways than almost anyone.

Long live all the mountains we moved.  I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.  One day, we will be remembered.

60 Day Challenge - Day 15

A picture of something you want to do before you die.

One day, I'll be playing sold out shows in stadiums around the world.

60 Day Challenge - Day 13

A picture of your favorite band or artist.

I don't have one. I listen to everything. The songs that I love the most are the ones that say what I usually can't.

She can't see the way your eyes will light up when you smile.
She never noticed how you stop and stare whenever she walks by.
And you can't see me wanting you the way you want her.
But you are everything to me
And I just want to show you, she don't even know you.
She's never gonna love you like I want to.
And you just see right through me but if you only knew me, we could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable, instead of just invisible.
There's a fire inside of you that can't help but shine through.
But she's never gonna see the light, no matter what you do.
And all I think about is how to make you think of me, and everything that we could be.
And I just want show you, she don't even know you.
She's never gonna love you like I want to.
And you just see right through me but if you only knew me, we could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable,
Instead of just invisible.
Like shadows in the faded light, oh, we're invisible
I just wanna open your eyes and make you realize
And I just want to show you, she don't even know you
Baby, let me love you, let me want you
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful, miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible.
She can't see the way your eyes will light up when you smile.

60 Day Challenge - Day 11

A picture of something you hate.

Hollywood.
Fake.
Empty.
Materialistic.
Enough said.

60 Day Challenge - Day 10

A picture with the person you do the most messed up things with.

Elizabeth Childs, my partner in crime.

"Liz, Liz, I liiiiiiike you!"
"I know, Adam."
"No. No. Liz, I really liiiiiiike you."