Just a Little Rant from a Single Mom...

The last week or so has been fairly uneventful, and so I do not have much to say as an update.

Working as a part-time "nanny" (of sorts) has been fun, and has also given me some time to relax before Julianne gets here.  The boys are all well-behaved, and are not too much of a handful, minus the occasional teenage boy moments that get the best of any young men their age, I suppose.  But it has been fun!  It definitely makes me want to have sons of my own even more than I already did.

But my biggest rant of the week follows a bombardment of text messages from my daughter's absentee father, who has been nothing but a pain and untrustworthy from the beginning.  This guy thinks he somehow is in a position to ask me how I am, or what I'm doing, or why I'm not at certain places... on and on and on...  It is none of his business!!  He thought little enough of me to abandon me when I was just a few weeks pregnant (after never being faithful to me in the first place), say horrible things to me, treat me in horrible ways, steal from me, use me, manipulate me... and the list goes on.  And he thinks that I would want to carry on event the smallest, most innocent conversation with him?

I think not!  This "man" (for lack of a better word) has done nothing but cause physical, mental and emotional stress, left me with no income, no money, and in debt.  Nothing good except the physical presence of my daughter in my life has come to me because of him.  There is no way, now that I have grown the strength to walk away from one of the most abusive situations in my life that I would EVER go back to that even in something as simple as a conversation. Ya. RIGHT.

I am not that stupid.  Not anymore.  I will have nothing to do with you, ever again.  Sorry.

What is it with some of the male species that makes them think that after someone has given them everything, loved them despite of all their flaws, forgiven them for things that no one else was willing to, defended them, covered for them, loved them unconditionally no matter what - what makes them think that it is fine for them to turn around and turn into a horrible monster?

Of course, I do not mean all men.  I know plenty of good ones, and I also know plenty of women who do the same kind of thing.  I do not excuse them by any means.  And I acknowledge that we live in a fallen world, with all sorts of evil, but sometimes I wonder how awful people can be and still defend themselves? How can anyone treat someone this way and continually think it is alright?

It's disturbing.

Okay. Rant over.

I am a strong, very independent woman who, thanks to my relationship with my Heavenly Father, is confident in who I am as a person, and is willing to put my heart out there.  If it gets broken, then so be it.  Part of that is on me, but I will never justify someone else's actions, either.  I will not live with regrets, and I will raise my daughter to have the most positive picture of her father that I can, without avoiding the truth.  She will always know that her Heavenly Father is the one who loves her the most, and I'm believing He will one day bring us someone who can be ten times the father and husband that her biological father could ever be.

It's that hope that I must hold on to, and that even in my darkest, most stressful sleepless nights, somewhere down the line, I will not spend them alone.

Stephanie Meyer versus Taylor Swift - I've Switched Teams

I have always been a country music fan, and I always will be.  I love the stories told by the songs, the authenticity of its artists, and the musicianship of all involved.  Although I may not always enjoy every song I hear on the radio, or like a live performance I see by an artist, it is usually something that is rare.

I have not, however, always been a fan of the Twilight craze that has happened across the world.  Vampires that sparkle just did not seem to fit in my perspective of the dark mythical tale that has circulated over the course of the years, and after viewing the first film, I had even less desire to view the others that were to follow than I had possessed before I ever saw the blue-hazed picture.

But it seems that this week, at least, I have switched teams.

I found myself extremely disappointed in a country music video released yesterday afternoon, and I thoroughly enjoyed the Twilight film which I saw this afternoon.

Taylor Swift has always had my respect for her songwriting ability.  There isn't a song of hers that I have not liked.  She has a way of expressing emotions or situations in a simplistic, relative, genuine way that is truly a gift.  Her recent single, "Ours", is one of my personal favorites from her latest album, "Speak Now", and I was quite expectant of the video that was to follow... only to be quite disappointed.

The video is bland, mildly put.  It is bland, boring and fails to express everything that the song attempts to be.  The appearance of the young soldier returning home at the end of the video adds a forced, "cheesy" to the piece, instead of it being a genuine, heartfelt happening that it could have been.  A hit of a song, a bomb of a video.  Something sad to see of a usually creative young artist.

I am certainly not a film guru, but Breaking Dawn: Part 1 is the best film of the saga yet. Though it still will certainly leave you feeling like you watched something incomplete (which, of course, you did).  Each of the films has been a step up from the last, and this fourth one is indeed following in that pattern.  The acting, the screenplay, the cinematography, the character development - it all has improved.  It also has quite intense, positive themes running throughout, all revolving around the redemption of souls, the absolute nature of right and wrong and doing the right thing despite popular belief, and the sanctity of life no matter the sacrifice.  Whether intentionally written this way or not, they are still thickly woven into the plot, and are strongly promoted.

Very well done.

I hope the last installment will live up to the fourth, and that Taylor Swift doesn't make the same mistake with her next video that she made with her latest.

Slow Day on the Homefront

As seems to be the "norm" these days, I got a late start this morning, and was not out of bed until after ten o'clock.  But there is not much to do around the house today, so I did not have the motivation I would normally have to get up and start my day.

The best news of the day (so far, anyway) is that I am now fully stocked up on clothes for Julianne for at least the next 6 months!  A good friend of mine brought me hundreds of pieces to choose from, and even after going through and picking and choosing what I wanted, I still have a closet full of clothes!  So a big thank you to her for helping me out!  Now today, I'm putting everything through the wash, going through it once more to really see if I need it all, and then hopefully putting it neatly away, as right now it is all just shoved "neatly" on the closet shelves.

Today will be my last day here at home for a couple weeks, other than the rare occasion that I come stay here for a night or two.  I will be working as a nanny of 3 boys starting tomorrow evening!  I am sure I will be keeping you all entertained with stories from the madhouse over the next 14 days, and hoping that all works out with Julianne coming at a good time.  We shall see.  Sometime today I will get around to packing what I need to take with me, but for now I'm enjoying a relaxing afternoon doing very little.

It Has Been Too Long!!

6 months!  It has been almost 6 months since I have posted on this blog, and that is a horrible shame!

But in my own defense, the last 6 months have also been incredibly chaotic and confusing.  I couldn't even keep up with what was going on in my own life, much less make sense of it enough to blog about it.  But now, things are finally settling down, and I am finding more time to sort through the chaos and start sharing with my cyber world again... And I am so happy!

Julianne Rose is due any day, and she will be the best thing I could receive in this Christmas season.  In fact, this afternoon, one of my best friends will be bringing "hand-me-downs" over to the house for me to sort through, and as many of you know, in this economic time, and being a single mom, those are crucial!!  Thanks Tara, love!

Hopefully now, I will be back to posting on a regular basis!  Enjoy my friends!

And have a blessed CHRISTMAS season!

World's Apart

(Man) I knew what life would be when I signed on the line.
I promised you no matter what that I would give my all.
But the last few months the weren't kind.
And I can't seem to fall asleep in peace.
I haven't gone a day without that silver around my neck,
Pressed to my heart, calling me still.
The number on my bunk says two hundred seventy two.
Every day one less that I have to be in hell.
This life we chose will risk it all.
This life we live may take it all.
All our strength and all our love.
We will always give our best,
God and country before the rest.
We fight for all we have at home,
Just to keep it as our own.
For the homeland, from the homefront,
Working together, worlds apart.

(Woman) I knew what life would be when I signed on the line.
I promised you no matter what that I would be just fine.
But the last few months it's been cold at night,
And I can't seem to sleep without a light.
I haven't gone a day without your silver around my neck,
Pressed to my heart, like a lifeline.
The number on the fridge says two hundred seventy two.
Every day is one less that I spend missing you.
This life we chose will risk it all.
This life we live may take it all.
All our strength and all our love.
We will always give our best,
God and country before the rest.
We fight for all we have at home,
Just to keep it as our own.
For the homeland, from the homefront,
Working together, worlds apart.

(Together) We bleed red from the day we were born,
Cried blue the day that duty called.
Every day we live to never wave that white.
Miles of star-filled skies hold us together,
(Man) And as I walk the streets watching every step,
(Woman) I lie alone praying He guides your every move.

(Man) For the homeland
(Woman) From the homefront
(Together)  Working together, worlds apart.

(Together) This life we chose will risk it all.
This life we live may take it all.
All our strength and all our love.
We will always give our best,
God and country before the rest.
We fight for all we have at home,
Just to keep it as our own.
For the homeland, from the homefront,
Working together, worlds apart.